july 21st 2014 so. just one more thing i forgot

SO. just a little quick thing. Found this in my drawer and this made me really upset *sigh* one day this will be to good use

July 21st 2014 So, what have I been up to?

So, what have I been up to? well nothing to much to say the least. it's been roughly 6-7 months since I last talked to that lady that just kind of disappeared on me and i am handaling that well now. It still hurts to think that she just kind of went poof but hey, her loss right? Maybe one day she will learn what she did wrong and it might just be too late. who knows?  Anywho, what Have I been doing?

Nothing to much to say the least. Playing World of Warcraft and other misc games that i can find that look fun as ever, while trying to stay calm. That has been pretty hard latley with all the family issues and stupid stuff going on but I do hope and pray it gets better. One of the youth leaders that does the uprising at church asked me if i wanted to become a leader for the youth section of it, and at first I thought it was something hard for me to do but, as I thought about it a bit more I wanted to do it because it would give me the opportunity to do what I always wanted to do and that was to help and make people happy and give them encouragement to keep on going with what their dreams are. I have also been looking into starting another blog just for the sole purpose of doing product reviews  and all this cool stuff for gaming companies and review ya know there stuff like headsets, keyboards mice etc... I would love to start on that soon but I don't know were to start from? if any of you know anything about doing that please let me know! @ragebarr twitter on twitter or my ask.fm (can also ask me questions on there as well. But I would love to get started on the whole product review stuff so if you or anyone knows any way to get started please let me know!

Anywho i'm gona get back to leveling my toons in warcraft while I wait for the expansion to drop. take care  guys and gals and have a wonderful day! I promise I will update more soon!

may 20th 2014 What I leanred today.

So, today I had a therapist appointment. Ya I know, but we went over a good topic today. one that I do have a problem with myself. is feeling "Unloved" or  "Unwanted". Today i learned something important that I think a lot of people should know. You ARE loved. there ARE people that do love you. It could be anyone. your friends, family, your bf/gf, wife/husband etc.... but you are loved. and you should always remember that.  I myself do have people that love me. My friends and my family. the people I talk to and get to know love me and want me around. They want me to excel and be happy. They will do anything to help me to the best of their abilities. and I am truly great full to have every last person.  As for the other feelings that revolve around these emotions, Yeah i may feel like I will ever have the right person in my life just now. but someday that lady will be waiting for me and one day telling me how she really feels about me. I will be here waiting for her. Hell she could be reading this now for all I know.  I maybe 21 almost 22 but I am still young I have time. I know as a person I can accomplish anything and make every single each and every one of you happy and at least smile. that's just who I am and what I love to do. Yes I may have a crappy day were i'm depressed and yeah I may have a day were I will not be wanting to be alive but in the end what does it all come down to? I still have everyone and they still have me and that's all I could ever ask for.

Being "Unloved" or "Unwanted" are emotions we get when we are down and not feeling like we belong, but each person is unique we all have traits or things we do that make us different from someone. It could be multitasking or a great cook or reader or anything! but we are all unique, but don't forget this "Every person may be unique but in reality we are the same. weather it be social stature, wealth, anything we are all the same but with different uniqueness."  People that think they are above us are wrong, they don't know that one single rule i just said. They really don't.

Going to cut this one short I am a bit sleepy and it's like 3 AM which I should be sleeping but oh well. Any who stay happy everyone. there is someone out there for you and remember you are always loved.  and just know. If you can't find anyone. you always have a friend you always have one person you can look to.  If anyone needs to talk Skype-Sorathelight from San Diego. add me lets chit chat become friends.I'll always be here.

Have a great day and week everyone, stay safe and positive, and if your that girl wanting to talk to me do it! I am waiting for you!

May 15th 2014 Unconditional

First off this is the name of a album. Memphis may fire's latest album Unconditional. It is such a great album I like it quite a lot. The balance between the cleans the screams are quite awesome. I enjoy it. and I suggest taking a listen to it.

But to start off this little post for today I've had a lot of thinking going on lately and I can say I am not happy being alone. I feel like i am just disconnected from everyone I feel like I do this to myself and it is hard. I do feel a bit scared to even just go outside it is hard I know it is for me especially. I am not sure were to go from there and I do need help. I feel boxed in.

I'm not sure what else to really say. unhappy and not the greatest. I just want to get out sometimes. Being stuck somewhere so long it gets to ya.

No picture today. i'll do one next time. sorry everyone.

Take care and have a good one till next time.

may 12th 2014 insert title here

So ti's the 12th of may and it's been roughly a goo few months since i've heard from her. I can say it has been hard. I thought I did something wrong, I thought I messed up but I don't know what to think. It has been hard thinking that she is doing better without me and I am just siting here alone and by myself.  I wonder what went  wrong? I just wish I could talk to her and  get an answer.  Oh well.....

I've been thinking a lot over the past few days and I just wanted to say i am sorry. sorry to the people i have hurt, sorry to the people I have made angry at me nd sorry to the people I have mistreated. I know I am not a perfect person and I do make mistakes and I can't learn from some of them I try my hardest but sometimes they just don't go through my head.  Sometimes I think to myself what do I do wrong? I don't figure it out until the end when i'm alone.

I know I have a lot going on not just in real life and with family and what not but I do have a lot going on internally. Inside myself I feel like I have let a lot of people down. I have let so many people down I carry the burden of trying to make it up to them any way possible. To me it feels like something I have to do but at the same time I know there is a lot I can't do to make things right. I don't know. I really don't  I just wish I could understand.

I want to talk about what I am dealing with, with a lot of people but it is hard to even start talking about it without getting upset or angry. I don't know were to go or what to do. I do need help I know I do. I feel alone and a outcast by everyone destined to be alone forever.

                                                               "This is my story"



Until next time friends.

May 7th 2014 I ask myself everyday

I know it has been a while since I have last updated this but I have had a lot going on at the time. Family issues and tons more.... but i will not get into that. So, what did I leave off on? I kinda forgot haha. Oh well!

So, what have I been up to? Nothing really, gaming living my life as a nightmare and trying to survive. I know my life has been kinda terrible and not the greatest I can say but I did learn one thing though "Each person is there own unique person, no one is better or worse weather it be wealth, ability's or anything. we are all just the same but with different uniqueness" I am having to repeat that to myself every once and a while to make sure I remember that. but it can be hard at times when your frustrated, sad, angry, or any other emotion.

I know I should have been keeping up with this blog and i am sorry, I'll do my best to keep track and update more and more. I want something from this but I do not know what it is just yet. I am sure when I figure it out I will let you all know that read this.

So, what's next for me? I really don't know. I hope something amazing. my birthdays next month so I hope something amazing or something cool will happen. I just hope that's all I can think of. Who knows. All I know is as i'm siting here writing this I am very lonely, but I am trying my best to cope with it to the best of my abilities. It's going to be rough I know it is but I can do it somehow I guess I don't know.

I'll do another post soon I promise. probably within the next few days. got some stuff coming up sadly. Oh well, take care folks.

                                                            "This is my story"

March 13th 2014, I think I have calmed down a little but......

Well, I took some time to myself to kind of reflect on the past several months and what happened as of late. Sometimes I wonder if I am just unloveable? Sometimes I just really wonder if I do anything wrong and no one tells me so I keep making the same mistake over and over again and I just don't realize it. Oh well. I really don't know what to say. I feel ashamed of myself I feel let down and most of all alone. I sit here at night wishing I could just have that one person I could call my own. To be able to tell them how much I love them and to show them as well. I don't know if that will ever happen. Something inside me tells me I should kind of give up. Give up trying and just live alone, live a life were I am surrounded by no one live a life were all I do is the same thing day in and day out.

As I sit here typing this listening to music Resolution- Girugamesh  (My new favorite song) I just wonder. I wonder about my life, the things I did in the past,present, and future. Sometimes I wonder if the things or mistakes i did in the past were for the best. Sometimes I think they were probably for the worse. I don't know, and I don't think I will know at all.  I just hope I can get over all of these stupid emotions that drag me down and make me upset and make me physically/mentally exhausted. Who knows how long it could take?

 Soon I will be posting in the next few days or blog posts a few links for you guys if you want to interact with me. Only if you want. should be fun I would imagine yes? To wrap this up I hope you all are having fun and are safe. Take care and till next time

                                                                "This Is My Story"

March 8th 2014 Please make me sane again.

Someone please help me be sane again. That's all I want to know is if i can be sane again. Please help me. I feel like every time I go out there is always something bad that comes with coming back home. Some kind of mess I get dragged into. Some kind of problem I just have to face and deal wit. but you know what? I am tired of all of this. I am tired of all of these problems. Tired of just dealing with everyone that is going on here at home. What do I have to do to make everything better again? Do I have to kick people out? Do I just have to walk out leave and never come back? Do I just have to end my own self? I don't even know but I am really fed up with this.

Earlier tonight I come home from a few days stay at my friends house. It was a nice relax full visit. Played some games, ate some food, I had fun. Fast forward  to I would like to say 11 PM March 7th I walk into the door and what do I see? Stuff EVERYWHERE, My mothers stuff all spewed out onto her side of the room, the kitchen a disaster and smelling terrible I would like to add that, Dishes on the table Dishes not put away  silverware in a thing were you put cerea, something like this. Full of water almost with silverware in it. Who does that? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? I am honestly read to just loose my freaking mind right about now as I type this.

So what do I do all night you may ask? Well, I will be playing something to keep my mind occupied but I will be cleaning this stuff up. I will be up all night CLEANING not because I want to but because I HAVE TO. I mean, if your going to make a mess why don't YOU clean it up? I mean COME ON! this is just going to drive me to the brink of insanity. I'm not gona go into to much more in this one just gona make it short. but i'll post another tomorrow well later today explaining more and kinda just getting over this rant/ramble/vent thing going on.

                                                        "This Is My Story"

March 5th 2014 *sigh* what to do now?

Well...What do I do. I feel quite alone. I really do. i sit here everyday and just wonder to myself what can I do that I am alone? I mean yeah I have a few good friends and what not but I want something else! I want someone here with me, someone to talk to everyday to say good morning and good night,. I wonder when will I ever stop being alone? when  will I ever finally find the right person? I really do hope it is soon. I know i'm only 21 i've heard the "your young" and "it will happen" but when?


So, what did I do today? Not really much of anything. i played my druid for a little bit got him a bit more pieces of gear that was kinda cool. Other then that I just kinda sat here and just wished about many things. Going back to my first post I made from this website I wonder really about myself. i mean yeah I know people I have friends, I have my family but I just want something else. someone outside of everyone  I know now to talk to, to share how I feel.

Usually how I am most of the day right now. Yes this is from Yu-Gi-Oh, but hey it's a nice representation.

So, what's coming up for me within the next few days? Visit my friend try to calm down and try not to lose my mind with all my problems going on. I am trying to cheer myself up but nothing is really working. At least not yet to say the least, but I am sure there will be something that will be amazing that will make me happy again but it will come along sooner or later.

In closing words I hope I will be okay, but only time will tell.

From the words of my favorite character from a video game

                                                              "This Is My Story"

March 2nd 2014 I"m still here sorry guys

Hi guys just wanted ot let youk now that I am still around and I am still gona be doing this I just been a little busy wiht real life stuff to kind of post something so I apologize but now back to what i was doing last before I stooped for those few days. 

As of lately I have not been feeling well. No not sick kinda well. just emotionaly well. i've been how should I say. lack of ability to do anything I feel kind of lifeless. Like nothing is gong to happen like I have nothing to do for the rest of my life It is a terrible feeling I know but something inside me just keeps me from doing anything about it and i just absolutely hate it.

On a brighter note in World of Warcraft. I got my druid to 90 last night. it was pretty cool to finally have a max level druid. 

This is my druid yes I know haha. I am slowly learning. but I think I Might get the hang of it. sooner or later. But I can say I am having a bit of fun wiht him even though i am dying left and right in Battle grounds. At least I am having fun though. that is all that matters. Some other cool news is that I have been paying me some Final Fantasy 8. I know there could be a debate on weather or not it is a good game. but I have been wanting to play this for a while now since It came out on steam a while ago.

Also for the last of some good news is that I will be taking part of a gaming channel on YouTube with one of my best friends I have known for a while. I am quite excited to get this project started. Staying up editing videos, playing games that either scare the living hell out of us, make us rage , or just plain simple make us laugh until we can't laugh anymore and we go bright red haha.  When that gets started I will be posting a link here and on my other forms of media for it.

Yes I have a great attraction to dragons. they are probably one of my favorite things to collect. statues, jewelry, posters, pictures anything. they are just so darn awesome.



But I think i am gona end this here for now. I have some Battlegrounds to do on my druid for a while then i'm gona go watch Enders Game then head off to bed. so all you people that read this I hope you have a good night and a wonderful tomorrow

I am ready. Are you?

What was the real reason I made this blog? Why do keep typing this right now? Well, i'm doing this to kinda just type down all my feelings and what I do day to day. How I act and the things I just kind of want to rant or talk about. Weather it be gaming, myself in general, or just something random that I might want to share.

This is gonna be a bit short this time around. but the next one I post will be making up for I have some good stuff to show that I found!  but today I am just not really in the mood to do anything right now. I just kinda want to lay in bed, left alone and just kinda lay there. I know it isint the most healthiest thing to do or just something I don't normally do but I just kind of feel that way. Currently as I type this i'm watching Ghost Adventures on the Travel Channel. I got hooked on this show quite badly. I really like it a lot. but that is besids the point haha.

I guess what I wanna get at is that i'm a tad bit lonely. not many people to talk to, can hardly get out of the house it's just miserable. I would really love to get to know more people, build more relationships and just have fun. so I want to extend myself to people out there that want to get to know me for who I am that want to build something cool. if you do please let me know. i would love to get to know all of you or as many as I can. Share my blog, share myself. I want to get around. I want to do something for others. I want to be the person that I will be rememberd for when i'm gone. I don't want to be the person that is just left alone no one will know who i was. i want to be known for something great, something everyone will remember. lets get started guys!

Dylanranson18@gmail.com.
WoW Real ID: Sora#1986
lets start something. I am ready. Are you?

Feb 20th 2014 About myself and some pictures :D

    So, Today is the 20th of February and I don't have much to do today.Thinking about what I should post on here today so i thought I should talk a little about myself and show some pictures of the games i like to play.

    Well, about myself. my name is Dylan I live in San Diego California and i am 21 years old. I love to play video games, sing, goof around and just be myself. some of the games I love to play are World of Warcraft, Final Fantasy games (any of em) and any kinds of jRPG's to really be exact.

My lovely Holy Paladin On the United States server Zul'jin (Sora#1986 if you want to add me!) Other when i'm not really doing anything i love to listen to music. depending on what i'm feeling like or what mood i'm in. or what I might be doing at that exact time. say if i was in a bad mood i would listen to something to make me laugh or make me feel calm like Jake Shimabakuro-Touch .


  Today what shall I do? I really don't know yet really. Each day I just kinda sit here and wait for my girlfriend to text me telling me she is okay and that I don't have to worry that something happened. but I have not gotten anything yet! getting a bit more worried each day that goes by. but what can I do? She is in another state and her phone is off I guess. Oh well.....


   

Random picture I found. Looks really cool. I love space and everything about it. the stars, the galaxy's and everything to do with it. Probably gona end this here. tomorrow I might post something maybe not. Monday I probably won't be posting anything due to appointments up the butt but hey I might you may never know. dang therapist appointment being so early.

February 19^th 2014

                So today I wonder to myself, what do I do with my life? Were do I go from here? Who am I as a person? What did I do to deserve all of this terrible problems I’ve been having to deal with for such a long time. I wonder what should I do with myself? Should I just run away? Should I just let it all go and be left alone for the rest of my life? I wonder to myself will I ever find the right person for me. The person that will always be there for me. The person that will be able to call me there own and I can call them my own. I wonder when all the problems that I have will go away? What do I do with everything that is going wrong? How do I handle all of this that’s just coming to me at once.Sometimes i just think to myself what am I saposed to do when this happens or this happened? Sometimes I just feel like I really don't belong. I feel like I just can't handle everything I do. I just feel terrible. I really do.

        I just think to myself. I sit and think for hours. sometimes just minutes or even seconds. sometimes a thought process of one simple idea or just what is going on could take days, weeks, even a month or two just to have my head wrap around what in the world just went on at that specific moment. what do I do exactly? I play video games specifically one in particular. some of you may heard of it its' World of Warcraft My Current Charicter Here . Other times I just read books. I never really get to talk to people about my problems or anything so it's terribly hard to really show how terrible I feel at all. I just cry alone at night feeling alone and just I don't know by myself feeling insecure about me. about who I am just as a person on the inside and outside. 

      Deep down I know I am a good person I know I really am, but it's just so hard to find others that are willing to see me for who I really am, they just see me as a person that they can use just to get whatever they want.... It is not the greatest feeling of them all but I try to not let it happen but somehow it does every single time. ..... At night I love to sit here and listen to quiet music such as Moon's Tears - Theophany

    Well I've been going on for quite a while so I think I will end this here. Probably tomorrow I will add a new post that maybe will be a bit more uplifting and more exciting. but fo now I must log into this World Of Warcraft ( WoW for short) and run some Flexible raids with people I don't even know. I do hope it goes well. 

This is me but to wonder. Yes I am albino.