May 15th 2014 Unconditional

First off this is the name of a album. Memphis may fire's latest album Unconditional. It is such a great album I like it quite a lot. The balance between the cleans the screams are quite awesome. I enjoy it. and I suggest taking a listen to it.

But to start off this little post for today I've had a lot of thinking going on lately and I can say I am not happy being alone. I feel like i am just disconnected from everyone I feel like I do this to myself and it is hard. I do feel a bit scared to even just go outside it is hard I know it is for me especially. I am not sure were to go from there and I do need help. I feel boxed in.

I'm not sure what else to really say. unhappy and not the greatest. I just want to get out sometimes. Being stuck somewhere so long it gets to ya.

No picture today. i'll do one next time. sorry everyone.

Take care and have a good one till next time.

may 12th 2014 insert title here

So ti's the 12th of may and it's been roughly a goo few months since i've heard from her. I can say it has been hard. I thought I did something wrong, I thought I messed up but I don't know what to think. It has been hard thinking that she is doing better without me and I am just siting here alone and by myself.  I wonder what went  wrong? I just wish I could talk to her and  get an answer.  Oh well.....

I've been thinking a lot over the past few days and I just wanted to say i am sorry. sorry to the people i have hurt, sorry to the people I have made angry at me nd sorry to the people I have mistreated. I know I am not a perfect person and I do make mistakes and I can't learn from some of them I try my hardest but sometimes they just don't go through my head.  Sometimes I think to myself what do I do wrong? I don't figure it out until the end when i'm alone.

I know I have a lot going on not just in real life and with family and what not but I do have a lot going on internally. Inside myself I feel like I have let a lot of people down. I have let so many people down I carry the burden of trying to make it up to them any way possible. To me it feels like something I have to do but at the same time I know there is a lot I can't do to make things right. I don't know. I really don't  I just wish I could understand.

I want to talk about what I am dealing with, with a lot of people but it is hard to even start talking about it without getting upset or angry. I don't know were to go or what to do. I do need help I know I do. I feel alone and a outcast by everyone destined to be alone forever.

                                                               "This is my story"



Until next time friends.

May 7th 2014 I ask myself everyday

I know it has been a while since I have last updated this but I have had a lot going on at the time. Family issues and tons more.... but i will not get into that. So, what did I leave off on? I kinda forgot haha. Oh well!

So, what have I been up to? Nothing really, gaming living my life as a nightmare and trying to survive. I know my life has been kinda terrible and not the greatest I can say but I did learn one thing though "Each person is there own unique person, no one is better or worse weather it be wealth, ability's or anything. we are all just the same but with different uniqueness" I am having to repeat that to myself every once and a while to make sure I remember that. but it can be hard at times when your frustrated, sad, angry, or any other emotion.

I know I should have been keeping up with this blog and i am sorry, I'll do my best to keep track and update more and more. I want something from this but I do not know what it is just yet. I am sure when I figure it out I will let you all know that read this.

So, what's next for me? I really don't know. I hope something amazing. my birthdays next month so I hope something amazing or something cool will happen. I just hope that's all I can think of. Who knows. All I know is as i'm siting here writing this I am very lonely, but I am trying my best to cope with it to the best of my abilities. It's going to be rough I know it is but I can do it somehow I guess I don't know.

I'll do another post soon I promise. probably within the next few days. got some stuff coming up sadly. Oh well, take care folks.

                                                            "This is my story"

March 13th 2014, I think I have calmed down a little but......

Well, I took some time to myself to kind of reflect on the past several months and what happened as of late. Sometimes I wonder if I am just unloveable? Sometimes I just really wonder if I do anything wrong and no one tells me so I keep making the same mistake over and over again and I just don't realize it. Oh well. I really don't know what to say. I feel ashamed of myself I feel let down and most of all alone. I sit here at night wishing I could just have that one person I could call my own. To be able to tell them how much I love them and to show them as well. I don't know if that will ever happen. Something inside me tells me I should kind of give up. Give up trying and just live alone, live a life were I am surrounded by no one live a life were all I do is the same thing day in and day out.

As I sit here typing this listening to music Resolution- Girugamesh  (My new favorite song) I just wonder. I wonder about my life, the things I did in the past,present, and future. Sometimes I wonder if the things or mistakes i did in the past were for the best. Sometimes I think they were probably for the worse. I don't know, and I don't think I will know at all.  I just hope I can get over all of these stupid emotions that drag me down and make me upset and make me physically/mentally exhausted. Who knows how long it could take?

 Soon I will be posting in the next few days or blog posts a few links for you guys if you want to interact with me. Only if you want. should be fun I would imagine yes? To wrap this up I hope you all are having fun and are safe. Take care and till next time

                                                                "This Is My Story"

March 8th 2014 Please make me sane again.

Someone please help me be sane again. That's all I want to know is if i can be sane again. Please help me. I feel like every time I go out there is always something bad that comes with coming back home. Some kind of mess I get dragged into. Some kind of problem I just have to face and deal wit. but you know what? I am tired of all of this. I am tired of all of these problems. Tired of just dealing with everyone that is going on here at home. What do I have to do to make everything better again? Do I have to kick people out? Do I just have to walk out leave and never come back? Do I just have to end my own self? I don't even know but I am really fed up with this.

Earlier tonight I come home from a few days stay at my friends house. It was a nice relax full visit. Played some games, ate some food, I had fun. Fast forward  to I would like to say 11 PM March 7th I walk into the door and what do I see? Stuff EVERYWHERE, My mothers stuff all spewed out onto her side of the room, the kitchen a disaster and smelling terrible I would like to add that, Dishes on the table Dishes not put away  silverware in a thing were you put cerea, something like this. Full of water almost with silverware in it. Who does that? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? I am honestly read to just loose my freaking mind right about now as I type this.

So what do I do all night you may ask? Well, I will be playing something to keep my mind occupied but I will be cleaning this stuff up. I will be up all night CLEANING not because I want to but because I HAVE TO. I mean, if your going to make a mess why don't YOU clean it up? I mean COME ON! this is just going to drive me to the brink of insanity. I'm not gona go into to much more in this one just gona make it short. but i'll post another tomorrow well later today explaining more and kinda just getting over this rant/ramble/vent thing going on.

                                                        "This Is My Story"

March 5th 2014 *sigh* what to do now?

Well...What do I do. I feel quite alone. I really do. i sit here everyday and just wonder to myself what can I do that I am alone? I mean yeah I have a few good friends and what not but I want something else! I want someone here with me, someone to talk to everyday to say good morning and good night,. I wonder when will I ever stop being alone? when  will I ever finally find the right person? I really do hope it is soon. I know i'm only 21 i've heard the "your young" and "it will happen" but when?


So, what did I do today? Not really much of anything. i played my druid for a little bit got him a bit more pieces of gear that was kinda cool. Other then that I just kinda sat here and just wished about many things. Going back to my first post I made from this website I wonder really about myself. i mean yeah I know people I have friends, I have my family but I just want something else. someone outside of everyone  I know now to talk to, to share how I feel.

Usually how I am most of the day right now. Yes this is from Yu-Gi-Oh, but hey it's a nice representation.

So, what's coming up for me within the next few days? Visit my friend try to calm down and try not to lose my mind with all my problems going on. I am trying to cheer myself up but nothing is really working. At least not yet to say the least, but I am sure there will be something that will be amazing that will make me happy again but it will come along sooner or later.

In closing words I hope I will be okay, but only time will tell.

From the words of my favorite character from a video game

                                                              "This Is My Story"

March 2nd 2014 I"m still here sorry guys

Hi guys just wanted ot let youk now that I am still around and I am still gona be doing this I just been a little busy wiht real life stuff to kind of post something so I apologize but now back to what i was doing last before I stooped for those few days. 

As of lately I have not been feeling well. No not sick kinda well. just emotionaly well. i've been how should I say. lack of ability to do anything I feel kind of lifeless. Like nothing is gong to happen like I have nothing to do for the rest of my life It is a terrible feeling I know but something inside me just keeps me from doing anything about it and i just absolutely hate it.

On a brighter note in World of Warcraft. I got my druid to 90 last night. it was pretty cool to finally have a max level druid. 

This is my druid yes I know haha. I am slowly learning. but I think I Might get the hang of it. sooner or later. But I can say I am having a bit of fun wiht him even though i am dying left and right in Battle grounds. At least I am having fun though. that is all that matters. Some other cool news is that I have been paying me some Final Fantasy 8. I know there could be a debate on weather or not it is a good game. but I have been wanting to play this for a while now since It came out on steam a while ago.

Also for the last of some good news is that I will be taking part of a gaming channel on YouTube with one of my best friends I have known for a while. I am quite excited to get this project started. Staying up editing videos, playing games that either scare the living hell out of us, make us rage , or just plain simple make us laugh until we can't laugh anymore and we go bright red haha.  When that gets started I will be posting a link here and on my other forms of media for it.

Yes I have a great attraction to dragons. they are probably one of my favorite things to collect. statues, jewelry, posters, pictures anything. they are just so darn awesome.



But I think i am gona end this here for now. I have some Battlegrounds to do on my druid for a while then i'm gona go watch Enders Game then head off to bed. so all you people that read this I hope you have a good night and a wonderful tomorrow