June 12th Where have I been?

Well it has been a while.

So were have I gone? Well a few answers really. For one my oldest brother Michael passed away on the 2nd of February which took a huge toll on me. Second I had to find a new place to live and one of the places I did not like at all. I did not feel welcome at all. The last reason is just i've been kinda lazy and not really feeling like writing anything.or posting anything while I sort myself out.

There has been a lot going on in my life that has changed me emotionally mentally and physically. And I hope it really it is for the best, it is not fun waking up everyday feeling like i'm having some sort of heart attack and can I say it sucks terribly. I wish it would just go away someday soon.

I recently started playing a new game which is Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn. The expansions early access starts on the 19th so I am really excited for it. I have only been playing FFXIV for about 3 and a half months but I will say I am having a lot of fun with it. The game itself is very polished and the community I have found is pretty nice. There are some harsh players as in any MMO but they are a little toned down from what i've seen before which is another cool thing.

I'll try my best to update more since I should do it some more. I know i've been really behind on updating this  about my life buti 'll keep track this time I do promise.

Untill next time i'll post pictures too

~Sora

july 21st 2014 so. just one more thing i forgot

SO. just a little quick thing. Found this in my drawer and this made me really upset *sigh* one day this will be to good use

July 21st 2014 So, what have I been up to?

So, what have I been up to? well nothing to much to say the least. it's been roughly 6-7 months since I last talked to that lady that just kind of disappeared on me and i am handaling that well now. It still hurts to think that she just kind of went poof but hey, her loss right? Maybe one day she will learn what she did wrong and it might just be too late. who knows?  Anywho, what Have I been doing?

Nothing to much to say the least. Playing World of Warcraft and other misc games that i can find that look fun as ever, while trying to stay calm. That has been pretty hard latley with all the family issues and stupid stuff going on but I do hope and pray it gets better. One of the youth leaders that does the uprising at church asked me if i wanted to become a leader for the youth section of it, and at first I thought it was something hard for me to do but, as I thought about it a bit more I wanted to do it because it would give me the opportunity to do what I always wanted to do and that was to help and make people happy and give them encouragement to keep on going with what their dreams are. I have also been looking into starting another blog just for the sole purpose of doing product reviews  and all this cool stuff for gaming companies and review ya know there stuff like headsets, keyboards mice etc... I would love to start on that soon but I don't know were to start from? if any of you know anything about doing that please let me know! @ragebarr twitter on twitter or my ask.fm (can also ask me questions on there as well. But I would love to get started on the whole product review stuff so if you or anyone knows any way to get started please let me know!

Anywho i'm gona get back to leveling my toons in warcraft while I wait for the expansion to drop. take care  guys and gals and have a wonderful day! I promise I will update more soon!

may 20th 2014 What I leanred today.

So, today I had a therapist appointment. Ya I know, but we went over a good topic today. one that I do have a problem with myself. is feeling "Unloved" or  "Unwanted". Today i learned something important that I think a lot of people should know. You ARE loved. there ARE people that do love you. It could be anyone. your friends, family, your bf/gf, wife/husband etc.... but you are loved. and you should always remember that.  I myself do have people that love me. My friends and my family. the people I talk to and get to know love me and want me around. They want me to excel and be happy. They will do anything to help me to the best of their abilities. and I am truly great full to have every last person.  As for the other feelings that revolve around these emotions, Yeah i may feel like I will ever have the right person in my life just now. but someday that lady will be waiting for me and one day telling me how she really feels about me. I will be here waiting for her. Hell she could be reading this now for all I know.  I maybe 21 almost 22 but I am still young I have time. I know as a person I can accomplish anything and make every single each and every one of you happy and at least smile. that's just who I am and what I love to do. Yes I may have a crappy day were i'm depressed and yeah I may have a day were I will not be wanting to be alive but in the end what does it all come down to? I still have everyone and they still have me and that's all I could ever ask for.

Being "Unloved" or "Unwanted" are emotions we get when we are down and not feeling like we belong, but each person is unique we all have traits or things we do that make us different from someone. It could be multitasking or a great cook or reader or anything! but we are all unique, but don't forget this "Every person may be unique but in reality we are the same. weather it be social stature, wealth, anything we are all the same but with different uniqueness."  People that think they are above us are wrong, they don't know that one single rule i just said. They really don't.

Going to cut this one short I am a bit sleepy and it's like 3 AM which I should be sleeping but oh well. Any who stay happy everyone. there is someone out there for you and remember you are always loved.  and just know. If you can't find anyone. you always have a friend you always have one person you can look to.  If anyone needs to talk Skype-Sorathelight from San Diego. add me lets chit chat become friends.I'll always be here.

Have a great day and week everyone, stay safe and positive, and if your that girl wanting to talk to me do it! I am waiting for you!

May 15th 2014 Unconditional

First off this is the name of a album. Memphis may fire's latest album Unconditional. It is such a great album I like it quite a lot. The balance between the cleans the screams are quite awesome. I enjoy it. and I suggest taking a listen to it.

But to start off this little post for today I've had a lot of thinking going on lately and I can say I am not happy being alone. I feel like i am just disconnected from everyone I feel like I do this to myself and it is hard. I do feel a bit scared to even just go outside it is hard I know it is for me especially. I am not sure were to go from there and I do need help. I feel boxed in.

I'm not sure what else to really say. unhappy and not the greatest. I just want to get out sometimes. Being stuck somewhere so long it gets to ya.

No picture today. i'll do one next time. sorry everyone.

Take care and have a good one till next time.

may 12th 2014 insert title here

So ti's the 12th of may and it's been roughly a goo few months since i've heard from her. I can say it has been hard. I thought I did something wrong, I thought I messed up but I don't know what to think. It has been hard thinking that she is doing better without me and I am just siting here alone and by myself.  I wonder what went  wrong? I just wish I could talk to her and  get an answer.  Oh well.....

I've been thinking a lot over the past few days and I just wanted to say i am sorry. sorry to the people i have hurt, sorry to the people I have made angry at me nd sorry to the people I have mistreated. I know I am not a perfect person and I do make mistakes and I can't learn from some of them I try my hardest but sometimes they just don't go through my head.  Sometimes I think to myself what do I do wrong? I don't figure it out until the end when i'm alone.

I know I have a lot going on not just in real life and with family and what not but I do have a lot going on internally. Inside myself I feel like I have let a lot of people down. I have let so many people down I carry the burden of trying to make it up to them any way possible. To me it feels like something I have to do but at the same time I know there is a lot I can't do to make things right. I don't know. I really don't  I just wish I could understand.

I want to talk about what I am dealing with, with a lot of people but it is hard to even start talking about it without getting upset or angry. I don't know were to go or what to do. I do need help I know I do. I feel alone and a outcast by everyone destined to be alone forever.

                                                               "This is my story"



Until next time friends.

May 7th 2014 I ask myself everyday

I know it has been a while since I have last updated this but I have had a lot going on at the time. Family issues and tons more.... but i will not get into that. So, what did I leave off on? I kinda forgot haha. Oh well!

So, what have I been up to? Nothing really, gaming living my life as a nightmare and trying to survive. I know my life has been kinda terrible and not the greatest I can say but I did learn one thing though "Each person is there own unique person, no one is better or worse weather it be wealth, ability's or anything. we are all just the same but with different uniqueness" I am having to repeat that to myself every once and a while to make sure I remember that. but it can be hard at times when your frustrated, sad, angry, or any other emotion.

I know I should have been keeping up with this blog and i am sorry, I'll do my best to keep track and update more and more. I want something from this but I do not know what it is just yet. I am sure when I figure it out I will let you all know that read this.

So, what's next for me? I really don't know. I hope something amazing. my birthdays next month so I hope something amazing or something cool will happen. I just hope that's all I can think of. Who knows. All I know is as i'm siting here writing this I am very lonely, but I am trying my best to cope with it to the best of my abilities. It's going to be rough I know it is but I can do it somehow I guess I don't know.

I'll do another post soon I promise. probably within the next few days. got some stuff coming up sadly. Oh well, take care folks.

                                                            "This is my story"